she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
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