Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
