when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
