End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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