Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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