This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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