you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
