Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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