i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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