please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
