I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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