Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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