thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
