How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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