And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Hippo gnu deer
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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