Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Yo dont text me then not text me
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Randomize
