i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
