Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
