he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
