Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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