Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
