I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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