I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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