I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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