He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
