dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
