I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
the liver wants what the liver wants
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
