I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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