Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
