I wish I could punch you in the face.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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