I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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