apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
