beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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