I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Randomize
