peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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