Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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