as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
