So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
