Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
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