it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
