the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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