Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Someone signed my nipple.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
