hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
