I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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