Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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