Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
