Have you finally orgasmed yet?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
