His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
