I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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