I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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