Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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