Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Randomize
