Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
